Change is Scary

The title image. Behind the text is a photo of the front of a 2019 diary and a book about the Dreamweaver website designing program

Change is scary, it’s unknown and difficult, but a lot of the time it’s inevitable. Some things don’t change, like my love for cheesy 90s pop, Red Dwarf and Crash Bandicoot, but for most things it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. Even the best kind of change can be scary, especially when it’s something big. One of my goals for this year was to try new things, and I have definitely done that, more on that later. But, with my chronic illnesses it means that these changes can have more of an effect than I realised they would.

We all have our comfort zones, whether it’s staying at home reading, burying ourselves in our work or focussing on our friends or family over trying new things. This blog kind of became my comfort zone and I ended up almost relying on it for more than it was. I ended up getting anxious when I couldn’t post on the day I set myself, I’d end up posting a ‘sorry I can’t post’ type post and it wasn’t really fun at times. That’s one of the reasons the changes in my life, or maybe more my way of thinking, started.

This blog was never going to be one that I could turn into an actual business, in the past four and a half years I got something from one company so not exactly making it big, and I was spending money on things that I probably wouldn’t have if I didn’t have a place to share them with. I can’t let things go easily, I had a box of magazines from when I was nine that I only just managed to throw out and it made me so anxious doing it, and buying things only to declutter them just feels wrong to me. I just ended up buying and keeping things I wasn’t using and it seems a waste.

A notebook open with a list of post ideas written on it.

I feel like I should probably say early on that this is not me saying I am stopping blogging. Though you may have thought I had, given the fact I haven’t exactly been regular with the posts the past few months. I had to take a step back and work out where I wanted to focus my energy and attention and, unfortunately, the blog kind of fell down the list of priorities no matter how many times I said I was back to posting more often. This time away sort of grew longer than I meant it to, but in the process it helped a lot. I stopped getting anxious about not posting and actually started a list of blog post ideas, something I haven’t done for ages.

As I said earlier, I had the goal at the beginning of the year to do things I hadn’t done before. There are some tings that I’ve always wanted to do but I get nervous when trying new things in case I get dizzy or too tired, so I tended to be cautious and sensible. Maybe it was hitting thirty, but I realised that I should just commit to doing something, try it and if it failed miserably then move on and learn from it. So this is what I’ve done so far instead of blogging.

A double page from my diary. Inside it has the dates for the holiday along with notes for the beach day and shopping.

In April for the first time ever I went on a plane and flew somewhere. I spent so much energy worrying about it in the lead up to it, mainly about what I’d do if my symptoms flared up, but when I got there it was amazing. I spent four nights in Fuerteventura with my mum and sister and it’s made me realise that all the travelling I’ve always wanted to do but was too scared to try because of my health issues is not only possible, but fun too. It did also show me that I underestimated the time it would take for me to recover.

I’m having a second go at being self-employed. I doubt anyone was here for the first try, but making jewellery and selling it did not turn out to be the viable business I hoped it would. Now I’ve been doing my graphic design work experience and done a course on starting a business it’s shown me that I can actually do my original plan A from fifteen years ago of becoming a graphic designer. I am definitely going to be working on my blog design as it’s not the best and I want to show what I can do.

A photo of three books for coding and website design.

Relearning old skills isn’t as easy as I’d hoped. I say relearning, it’s almost learning from scratch and unlearning all the bad habits I used to have when it comes to coding. I used to code web pages years ago, I mean back in MySpace days, and used the original HTML. Now it’s on to HTML5 and half of the words and phrases used then wouldn’t work now and you don’t have to do tricks to change things like you used to.

Basically all of this has added up to most of my energy being spent elsewhere, especially when it comes to time on the computer. I am back to blogging, that hasn’t changed, but the way I blog will. I’m going to make a second post on that about why I blog and things I want to change about my blog, along with my thoughts on things like how my number of views went down so dramatically a year ago. I was planning on making it one post but it would be way too long so that will have to be for next week.

The home ready for my new pet. It's a jar with moss in the bottom and a stick with little branches coming off it
This is going to be the home for my new pet, at least its first home anyway

I have a new pet arriving tomorrow so I’m planning a post on that, though I don’t know that it will be everyone’s favourite considering it has six legs and wings, but I want to share more of my life again rather than just focussing on beauty and reviews.

I’m sure there are more changes that will happen and I’m definitely planning on travelling more now I’ve realised I can so I’ll be sharing those adventures with you when they happen. I haven’t done the Fuerteventura post yet so I have a feeling I’ll have more than enough post ideas for a while. I hope you guys will stay and read, or if you’re new here you’ll join me for the journey. It’ll be fun!

And yes, there will still be quite a few beauty posts on here, some things in my life may have changed but I haven’t changed completely!

I hope you enjoyed the post. If you want to see more you can find me on social media:

Instagram | Twitter | Bloglovin’ | Facebook!

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