I may have finished all of my exams, got my degree and pretty much left education (for the foreseeable future unless I change my mind) but starting the business has set this whole cycle off again. I have been making things and updating my Facebook page a lot but it feels like a lot of the paperwork things and getting the actual descriptions for the jewellery, checking the pricing, doing all of the stuff that I need to do to get them on the website, that’s all ended up being more last minute again. I guess last minute may be the wrong phrase. I’m not rushing what I do for this as it means a lot to me, it’s more that I find that my best work and my favourite designs in the past have happened when it’s close to whatever deadline I have.
For as long as I remember I have always worked better under pressure, this hasn’t changed since having ME and it almost seems to have got worse. In general I’m good at pacing, I set days for rest before and after big events but when it comes to things like assignments or working to a deadline I always seem to work best in the last few days or weeks before the deadline, depending on how long I’ve had or how big it is. There are some exceptions like learning things for exams as it just seems to push everything out of my brain when I try to cram so I end up doing all my note taking when I learn the things and then have a week or two of nothing before. Other than that though I do the really bad thing of the boom and bust cycle, I work slowly through the learning part and then the assignment or the big project or whatever I end up working until late into the night.
This is kind of similar to the coursework, I tried to do the slow and steady, work on it as I learn the material, and I got marks in the 50s or 60, I do my last minute three-day blitz and get a couple of thousand words done in a day and I get marks in the 80s. I guess that just sort of cemented that mindset in me and it’s hard to get rid of it. I am working on it though. I have set smaller deadlines and a set amount of pieces to have done by X date that kind of thing, so hopefully it won’t impact my health as much. I know that the working late and in big chunks isn’t good for me, it’s not good even if you don’t have a chronic illness to do it regularly, but as I ended up catching almost every bug going around I’ve not had the energy, or more like the concentration I guess, to do these things properly and be sure that I’m wording it right.
That’s my main worry with all of this, it’s probably a big worry for anyone with a chronic illness who’s working, that now any time I’m too ill to do something it has more of an impact than it did before. Before when I was working on the degree if I had a rough week and needed an extension I could ask for one, and I did get one twice, but now if I’m too ill to make anything then it means I don’t get paid. I started out just planning on doing this as a bit of a part time thing to make some money while I did my degree but as it’s grown I’ve ended up wanting it to be more. I hope this becomes something that I can do as an actual job, something that can support me, even if I end up adding other things I make into the website or go into web design as well. I really like doing it and I like the designs I’ve come up with, I’m just hoping that other people do too!
It’s a bit weird doing this, starting the business, as it doesn’t really feel like a job, I don’t really feel like a grown up doing this. I know that’ll change when it comes to sorting out the tax returns and things, but it kind of feels a bit like playing at being a grown up. Maybe that’s how everyone feels, I don’t know. My sister has already had jobs, she’s moved a long way from home (at least a long way while still being in the UK) and she’s younger than me so it feels a bit odd that I’m still stuck at home and doing this thing that doesn’t feel like a job.
This ended up being more rambling than I intended it to be, I am going to do a post for my Facebook page but I wanted to do that separately as I’m actually going to tag everything that’s just about the jewellery making on its own and it felt a bit odd to put it in this post. So there’s going to be another one probably ten minutes after this one, sorry if that feels a bit spammy.
I hope you’re all as well as possible and had a good Easter weekend, and if you don’t celebrate it then just a good weekend anyway and enjoyed the extra day/s off if you had a longer weekend. I didn’t have any chocolate this year but I did have one of my crème eggs, that have miraculously lasted this long, anyway. I think that’s the least chocolate I’ve eaten on Easter ever. Did you guys get any Easter eggs?